掲示板 Forums - Does anyone enjoy poetry?
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Top > 会話 / General discussion > Anything Goes
Oooooh should we do a collective poem sometime.? Don't know how exactly that would work but we can all put in our own styles.
Btw here are some more verses I made in a little more depth about wanting someone I cared about who ditched me to watch me die. (Freestyle poem section cuz I get the most freedom in this style)
I'd burn myself,
And you'd be last,
To watch me die
and watch my eyes
You and I were not the same,
So I'll choose to lose my faith,
And lose my life
Lose myself
To all extent
Then your eyes will start to fade
(sorry I had to stop writing cuz I have to go to bed byyyy guys)
gn
I swear I replied to this but I guess I forgot :kao_cry: love the poem!! Also I would love to do a collective poem sometime
Here's a short little stanza that I came up with yesterday will probably turn in into a bigger poem
I am nothing if not loyal
I am nothing if not true
I am nothing if I don't believe I meant something to you.
That’s a powerful turn. I think you would want to save it for the last line.
....
I'll choose to lose my sorrow,
Lose my praise,
I'm not lost, my fate is mine to choose,
My path is dark, but I see where it ends.
My wrath will fall as my power accends,
Despise me, that's fine,
I have enough even so
random verses (I'll make them rhyme at some point, just ideas)
I am nothing,
I'm not bluffing
You have faith that I will fall,
I'm masking up the reason, the reason why I am,
I am nothing, truly nothing,
So believe me if you can.
The reason why I'm masking,
To cover up my fear,
I pray every day but the ending is near,
Once the end awaits,
I will be the only dead.
ugh it's horrible it's like a picture book :kao_cry: hope you enjoy though
Hey, first off dont be so hard on yourself.
“I am nothing, I'm not bluffing” — That opening hits. Its honest, and almost defiant. That contrast sets the tone.
“Masking up the reason” — This line is interesting. Theres a deeper story behind the mask, and that mystery pulls the reader in.
“Once the end awaits, I will be the only dead.” — That one hits deep as it’s a powerful, isolating image.
Honestly, it’s not picture-bookish at all. It's got weight
Your memory grows faint within my mind
I always find it hard to find the time
To think of you
But when I do
It only makes me cry.
Tried desperately to make you want to stay--
No matter what I did, you found a way
To say goodbye
And let me die
In memories I wish I'd burned.
Only a fool would love you like I do
After all the hurt you put me through;
Please don't forget
The way I let
You leave me for a better life.
The rhyme doesn't feel forced at all - it gives a piece of soft rhythm.
1st verse is a stanza is full of contradiction. It claims the memory is fading , yet admits that even fleeting thoughts bring intense emotion
the death in the 2nd stanza here is metaphorical—dying in memories, which are portrayed as prisons . The desire to burn them shows regret, not just over the loss, but maybe over the entire relationship.
Love is irrational, calls themselves a fool, but still feels it.
"Please don’t forget the way I let you leave" is so loaded
ONE of the greatest
How are you able to pick apart my poems so perfectly? absolutely everything you mentioned is true, and it is exactly what I was trying to convey with this poem
I have a lot of experience with poems trust me
Hey, first off dont be so hard on yourself.
“I am nothing, I'm not bluffing” — That opening hits. Its honest, and almost defiant. That contrast sets the tone.
“Masking up the reason” — This line is interesting. Theres a deeper story behind the mask, and that mystery pulls the reader in.
“Once the end awaits, I will be the only dead.” — That one hits deep as it’s a powerful, isolating image.
Honestly, it’s not picture-bookish at all. It's got weight
Thank you, Seeji!! And I will try to improve, I promise
(this poem is about/for a girl who follows all the bullies and wouldn't care if I died)
I have patience for your rumors,
We have patience for the doomers,
You have praise for those who stand,
The ones who had the tremors planned.
I am nothing if not doomed,
I am nothing if not plumeting,
From the brisk southern breeze,
That I spent sacrifices earning.
Sacrifices
I spent my sacrifices on the brisk southern breeze,
I spent my sacrifices on the end of your doom,
I spent my sacrifices to solely help you,
And yet I feel as if I mean nothing, a bug in your shoe.
(this poem is about/for a girl who follows all the bullies and wouldn't care if I died)
I have patience for your rumors,
We have patience for the doomers,
You have praise for those who stand,
The ones who had the tremors planned.
I am nothing if not doomed,
I am nothing if not plumeting,
From the brisk southern breeze,
That I spent sacrifices earning.
theres a sense of betrayal and isolation ;(
"You have praise for those who stand,
The ones who had the tremors planned."
This verse says as it feels like you're calling her out for admiring the very people who caused harm
"I am nothing if not doomed,
I am nothing if not plumeting,"
The downward motion evoking that emotional fall towards the earth, like you’re spiraling down from something you fought so hard to rise above.
This one hits diff.
Woah. Seeji, how??? You are amazing at picking apart poems!! Thanks!
Here's a couple verses that I absolutely love but haven't been able to form into a longer poem
The stronger the feeling, the harder it is to walk away;
The stronger the bleeding, the harder it is to numb the pain